Going nuts.
Posted by: distortionandroid on: July 31, 2009
I am THIS close to banging my head on the table.
I used to be so sure, you know? I had it all planned out: everything I wanted to say and do, what I needed to make happen so I could just get this whole thing over with already.
But yesterday, someone said something that took nearly a day to sink in. And, now that it has, I am completely, utterly at a loss as to what I’m going to do now.
It doesn’t help that the UPCAT’s tomorrow. But I digress.
Anyway, here’s the problem. Thinking back to what my friend told me last night, she had a very good point.
I used to think that this was something I was absolutely going to make happen. I’d tell myself, this was it, now or never. I had this great plan, and it seemed like it was a better and better idea every day, you know?
But now… I’m not so sure. Part of me wants to stick to the plan, and, on some level, all of me thinks it’s a good idea. But now there’s this other half, saying, is it really worth it? Is this really worth going to all the trouble I’ve gone to already, and possibly going through even more trouble? I–I don’t know.
It’s like the ‘new thought’ half is telling me to just let it go, because it’s a waste of time and I’ve been an idiot for not believing it sooner. And, well… on some level, all of me thinks it’s a good idea too.
I just–I have no idea right now. I’m going crazy trying to figure out what to do, where I go from here. The rose-tinted glasses are off now.
And I’m seeing two different things. Which image do I choose?
Damn it. This JUST had to come up two days before UPCAT.
I blame you for this, you know. You and your emotional turmoil-causing tendencies.
)
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